An Underground Game
Went to play at an underground game last night.
First time doing so, but the game was vouched for by several regulars at my normal cardroom.
The host texted me earlier in the day to ask if I was in. I said yes and he responded with directions and instructions.
The location was a 4 bedroom corner suite at an apartment complex in an upscale northern suburb. I pulled into the parking garage, texted that I was there, and someone was sent down to get me. Young skinny girl in a tight black outfit.
Was kind of an awkward ride up the elevator, as she was freezing and I was a complete stranger to her.We get up to the appropriate floor and walk to the corner suite, where she enters the key code and then buzzes us in.
The main room had three tables set up, and the host greeted me and showed me around. There was a main game, a must move into the main, and in the other bedrooms there were more tables set for other games that would get set off later.
The main room had shelves filled with snacks and candy. There was a bar set up in a diff bedroom. The chef was in the open kitchen in the main room cooking up food. The kitchen was very apartment level: a couple of counters, and electric range, a sink, and a fridge. Not restaurant grade, but the food on the plates looked good.
Games were 2/5, and PLO.
The host gave me the rundown:His holdem players were at an advantage because the Omaha players paid the majority of the rake. All of the amenities were included: drinks, food, snacks, etc.
Holdem rake was 10% up to $20. Plo rake cap was $75, and the game played huge.
He got explicit with regards to tipping expectations: staff was unpaid, so please tip appropriately for drinks and other things. If you order from the chef, please tip commensurate with the food you get. He told me some grinders had come in and were undertipping and that was frowned upon.
I got my seat, got some chips and sat in.
The ladies running drinks were dressed in breastaurant type outfits. Short shorts, tight halter tops. They were tapping me in the shoulder, asking my name, asking what I’d like to drink. Very outgoing, very sociable.
I had a hard time getting settled. Asked about straddle rules, watching the dealers and players very closely looking for signs of any shadiness, getting a vibe of the players. Every dealer asks my name, and everyone who asks remembers it.
In the main game were the regulars who had vouched. I went and said hi. They were already 10k deep. I walk around and get some candy.
Finally I settle in and start relaxing.
There’s a regular from the poker house, Phila, that gets a seat to my right. Nice to have another familiar face. Some grinder regs are at the table and I recognize them as well.
I start off with a string of premiums and I’m raising and threebetting all over the place. Phila asks when I started playing like a fish. :)
Despite the premiums, I’m stuck 1k pretty fast. Then my card distribution cools off and I have to start bluffing. The bluffs get through and I show many of them and Phila keeps calling me a fish. But also, “how you bluff so good!?”
She orders the tomato bisque and I do the same. It’s very good.
Then a shift happens.
All of the ladies change into lingerie. The old men at the PLO table start ordering massages and are getting them with their shirts off. They’re still playing poker, nothing going on beyond the massages, but it’s kinda gross looking.
Debauchery.
I bluff a grinder off of JJ. I show and he has to take a walk. I pick off a bluff. I valuebet. My game feels very sharp.
A girl with a huge back tattoo of a white tiger in pink lingerie is walking around every 30 mins or so with a tray of shots. The fish in seat 7 is never passing them up. The fish to my right has a no drinking bet on, and he’s in pain watching everyone else drink. The guy with the bet keeps offering to buy him out and he keeps refusing. He’s running insanely hot though, and when the threebets seat 1, seat one tables AK and folds. Fish tables AA, again.
Game is good.
One of the ladies in lingerie comes over and starts a massage on a grinder in seat 2. Tall, redhead. Very pretty.
We start chatting. She’s in biz insurance during the week, but she sits in her office on zoom all day and she sees the poker thing as her social time. She’s 31, but doesn’t want to feel old.
The chiropractor taps me and asks if I want an adjustment.
I decline.
I get it in with one of the game hosts. JJ<AA. Stuck again.
They have contract straddle buttons in this game. I’ve had one on from the beginning. Others in the game start asking for buttons and now half the table is contract straddle.
I’m 2500 deep and a medium sized stack at the table. Phila calls over the cashier, signs some paperwork for a loan, and gets another 2k put on her stack. She’s stuck and wants to be able to get unstuck in one hand. She then moves to the main game.
In the main game, Regis lost at 10k pot with an overpair. The host lost an even bigger one set under straight.
I text my wife pix of the food. She tells me not to drink too much. I text her pix of the topo Chico and latte that I’ve been drinking.
I’m settled, the game is good, but I’m also getting tired and this is a very expensive game to be in.
A fish opens from early position. I threebet AdQd, he calls.
Flop As7d9d. Fish checks, I bet, he raises, I threebet, he rips, I call. He has 77. I brick out. Stuck again, but not a ton since he was short.
Wife texts. She’s not feeling well. Stomach pain. I tell her I’m coming home.
I go to the office to cash out. Down $250 or so. Not bad. Probably paid more than that in rake and tips over the course of the evening.
My payout is mostly in twenties, which kinda sucks. Cash was in a bank envelope in a safe. Felt kinda rinky dink.
I go to exit, and the security guy opens the door for me. When I exit the room, I’m on my own.
I walk down the hall alone, into the elevator, into the parking garage.
If I’m going to get robbed, this is the spot for it.
…I don’t get robbed.
I get in the car and call the wife. It’s a 35 min drive home, but all highway.
Was fun. Was expensive. Was strange.
Probably won’t go back for a while.
